How To Drive Talks

Sometimes, talking is hard.

Especially when the vibe just doesn’t feel right, and you and that other person just don’t belong in the same world.

It’s awkward.

How can you get almost ANYONE to talk?

1. You have to be the action

The other person can be 3 types:

  1. “You introduce yourself first” type
  2. “You should start the conversation”type
  3. “I do talk but I don’t know how to start” type

They’re all very common.

But no matter how annoying it is to start up the fire in the talk, you can’t force the other person to talk, you’d have to use your words wisely.

Understand that you HAVE to be the one who talks for the most, in the beginning (unless that person is naturally quite, but you can use certain tricks to force them to talk, hint: not violence).

You have to be the action; because there’s no reaction for you to respond to.

 2. Attack their dignity

Everyone has a base line of what’s being heard.

How would you respond if someone called you a liar?

The majority % of the time, you’ll respond with something like “WHAT?!”, “How??”…etc. This is what drives a discussion. But there’s more.

If you give a damn-straight-outright direct response, you risk getting a cold “okay.” response because he/she can feel your nonsense or trickery.

How do you secure this stage?

Give an indirect but multi-meaning response, so it drives even more questions. And the more the other person talks, the harder it is for him/her to drop out. There you go, a trick.

But there’s another percentage of the people who won’t even respond to your first attack on their dignity – they won’t even bother to say what or how. They just ignore you. Why? Same reason why you risk getting a cold response.

How do you fix that?

You seriously have to be a good drama builder, you have to make a statement somewhat true, not totally made-up and reasonably realistic. That way, it sounds too real to ignore, and it’ll be hard.

The bottom line: we hate getting suspected. Our dignity is important. Some people treat more important than money and everything else, it’s called the face.

Attacking dignity isn’t just about making him feel like he lied, it can be executed in many paths:

  • “you’d actually do that??”
  • “why on Earth would you even consider that?”

And so on. However, the side effects of using this technique is… just don’t do it all the time. Or else, the short-term trickery becomes a long-term impression of how you treat everyone (even if not it doesn’t matter, you built that image).

3. Arouse anger

Something along the lines with the dignity trick, you can do the same with purposely getting someone angry with what you say.

But, again, you can’t do this too much because there are long-term effects. And, you might actually fall back into your own trick and get angry too, at the end both of you end up in an even more awkward state.

How do you properly arouse anger?

For example, say “you suck at soccer!” to someone. Not offensively, but in a jokingly way. You’d have to match your words with your emotions. But don’t give too big of a smile, or you’d simply get a smile back and no response. You’d have to show a somewhat smirking face that’s not easily decodable by a person.

More importantly, you have to target the right person. Offend someone about their soccer when don’t care about their soccer skills at all, who would care? Make sure you use the right “insults”.

4. Gender talks

There’s always a topic, no matter who you are, which place on Earth you’re from… okay… you get the point.

There’s always a topic of interest that EVERYONE is interested in, or has a lot to talk about.

Gender talks.

Which means if you’re a guy and you’re trying to talk to a guy, what are some topics? How easy to think of…

  • “oh look that one over there, I’d give her a 8…” properly will give you…
  • “come one, that’s so a 10…” then drives more conversation with…
  • “BS! (you can amplify the drama) come on look at that, that and that, it’s better than XXX” and this becomes a never-ending conversation.

If you actually run of words on this, which I think it’s pretty hard… ask each other about their views, past stories, relationships, dream partner… there are lots to ponder about.

But what about you two are opposite genders?

You can still talk about many things such as the areas mentioned above: their views, past stories, relationships, dream partner… and much more. Trust me, these little words will bring up even more questions and more related and linked areas to talk about.

Be open-minded, and realistic.

By the way, there’s one topic of interest that works too: gossip. That’s why it’s a huge industry. Everyone’s curious and nosy.

The “Always-Works”

I find this my personal favorite, if I ever get stuck (difficult), I use questions that immediately break the barrier to the talking entry like this:

  • “What did you think of me when you first saw me?” or “what’s your first impression of me?”

Or if it doesn’t build up more on the connection, I normally use this, I get straight to the point:

  • “Hey, it feels a little awkward doesn’t it? Why don’t we talk about some common interests to spare some time?”

Most of the time it works, unless he/she is busy doing some task like playing on the iPhone, but then whether it’s really urgent or not, I think you’d have to observe to make sure whether he/she is just trying to spend time away on the phone or ACTUALLY wants to talk too.

Building The Vibe

Sometimes, you can’t get straight to talking about each other’s relationships. You have to slowly build up the “stranger’s trust” to break down that question of “why should I tell you?”, then, it goes back to the first point: You have to be the action. Tell your story first.

How To Amplify Your “Assaults”

Apart from using words to use these techniques, you have to actually focus on matching your words with your body language.

Asking about others: You can’t be asking for their hobbies with a straight face, the ideal look would be looking like you’re interested, passionate – that bright light that shows up when something is “in topic”.

Attacking dignity: Stare at the eyes like a suspect, make it feel like you’re looking at a liar, make it look like he/she should feel guilty, and look away – that drives response.

Arousing anger: Straight face. Angry face. Smirking face. A teasing tone.

Gender talks: this one you have to make it feel like you’re both together in the same place, opposing views are good because that drives discussion, but you have to make it feel like you two are sharing similar interests by talking about the same topic.

Note: these are the ideal conditions, which is very important because our body language matters a lot more than our verbal language.

The One Answer To Everything

Emotions.

Anyone will talk when encountered with something that drives an emotional spark.

  • I WILL talk if you attack my dignity and make me feel guilty.
  • I WILL protect my reputation if you insult my abilities.
  • I WILL continue talking if we talk about the same target interest of opposite genders (love, lust, liking).

And so on.

Try not to focus on words that get responded, but words that drive emotions.